I haven’t posted in a quite awhile. Honestly, I’ve not been able to focus much lately, there is so much noise in the world it’s been difficult to clear my thoughts enough to write. I thought maybe I could write something that was funny instead of serious, but that didn’t work. Maybe writing about something concrete, like the number of shoes Carli has collected but even that wasn’t coming through clearly for me. I decided the only way to clear the fog was to confront it, so here it goes.
Every form of public information, every delivery method, avenue, or medium, is overflowing with a cacophony of voices all bellowing to be heard over all the others. All messengers conveying the same fist-pumping, chest-pounding, self-righteousness spewed by people who firmly believe theirs is the one and only right/moral/correct way of thinking. It doesn’t matter that some of them speak to my heart or that some of them are abhorrent to me. All of these voices are competing for space in my mind, my heart, and in my life, overwhelming my emotional and empathetic capacities. For my own well-being, I’ve categorized the competing voices into groups that make sense to me.
First are the issues that flood the news that have absolutely no reason to be debated any longer. These have been settled already, why are we still talking about these?
- Same-sex marriage
- abortion rights
- women’s rights
- adoption rights
- school prayer
Then we have those issues that should simply be matters of common sense and human kindness or decency. These are issues we as human beings inhabiting a living planet with other humans and living things should not have to think twice about. They should be a given and never up for debate in the first place.
- transgender rights
- access to quality health care
- elder care
- a clean environment
Finally there are the things that, as an enlightened society, we should be ashamed exist at all.
- violence against the LGBTQ community
- religious persecution
I’ve had to push away the things over which I have no control and that have no substantial influence on me. I don’t give a damn how much income the president claimed on his taxes. He is filthy rich and takes advantage of every opportunity to avoid paying a single dollar more in taxes than is absolutely necessary. So, is this surprising? I don’t think so. Did the Russians interfere with the elections? I have absolutely no idea, but whether they did or not it will not change the fact that the alarm goes off tomorrow morning. I will still get out of bed, take the dogs outside, give them breakfast, and wait for Carli to get out of the shower so I can get ready for work. This does not mean I do not care about these things, but I refuse to allow them to consume my every thought or occupy every waking moment.
What to do about all this noise and distraction? Well, I looked around, as all of you know I am prone to do. Here is another list, but this time it’s a beautiful list of small comforts, and quick joys that are within sight in my little office. Each of these are important to me because they were either given to me by dear friends or collected during powerful, meaningful events with colleagues.
- glitter stress-relief jar
- pen that writes in rainbow colors
- photo of my son and his dog
- photo of Carli and I dancing
- certificate for winning the Rock-Paper-Scissors Championship at the college professional development day in 2014
- a banner from Botswana
So now that I took time to remind myself of these small comforts and quick joys, I am in a better place to refocus on what is really important. The big things that actually matter and deserve time and space.
- My wife. It makes absolutely ZERO difference to me that she was my husband for 28 years before she was known as my wife. What matters is that she is a supportive, loving, attentive, kind, compassionate human being willing to share her incredible journey with me. I love her with every fiber of my being and she deserves to have me fully present in our relationship. Her transition makes me admire her even more, because she has gone through challenges I will never know and can’t possibly understand. But she did it, and she is amazing.
- Our sons. I talk or text with each of them daily, with them often initiating the conversations. We talk about our dogs, politics, religion, social issues, trucks, guns, motorcycles, gardening, NPR, higher education, the environment, beer, bourbon, music, our jobs. To me the topic isn’t nearly as important as the connection. I treasure this connection with them. I owe my own mother more of this kind of connection. My sons are good role models.
- My colleagues. I spend more waking hours with them than I do with Carli during the work week. I value their presence in my life more than they may realize. My lack of focus lately has had an impact on my interactions with them, my general fogginess and distraction bleeding over into my work unintentionally. They, too, deserve to have me be fully present and not distracted by irrelevant issues.
- Our garden. Yes, the garden counts as a big thing. This is something Carli and I do together, and we couldn’t do it without each other. It feeds our bodies, yes, but more importantly it feeds our souls. The act of working the soil, growing living things that will sustain life, this is a heady experience that fills me with a sense of responsibility to the earth and to the creatures inhabiting it.
This is far too long a post now, and there are many more people I am grateful to have in my life who I have not mentioned this time. But I do appreciate you for sticking with me until the end of this stream of consciousness. Putting these words in print for others to read, as always, puts things in perspective for me. The fog will be lifted and I can once again be present in my own life, less concerned about all the noise.